Dear God 2/89
Dear God,
I try to understand what the fate said, but I always take a mistake when I’m feeling unsafe. Pain as a doorman who never let me go. Pain was loved for someone like me. Pain teach me how to be patient beside how to be dying. Pain and more pain like a present which always there without giving. Pain like a lover who always there for me forever.
I want to run, but I dont want to be a loser. I want to give up, but I dont want to regret one day. Imagined when I was 50 years later, cry because I have no try or cry because I already try harder?
When I was a child, the only pain that I know is when I’m alone and no one want to played with me. But now, it comes from everywhere. Every corner of my room. And the feeling lonely show up in every second.
When I was a child, when my heart drowning in sorrow, I cried till I tired. I yelled untill my voice runs out. I throwed all of my tears till I fell asleep. I feel relieved.
But now, when I am 21 years old, and everybody insist me to be an adult have to be, I couldnt feel peace anymore. Life in fear.And no one want to hear my prayer, my desire. I’ve learned to keep other people’s feeling, but no one do the same thing for me.
So, this is me, my Lord. Me, who always pretend that she is strong, mature, and patient. But I know, that only You, God, know that I’m just a child who got lost in my own destiny. Hiding behind some mask and cried after midnight.
Please, help me. Send your angel to said that everything will be fine.
26 October 2010 11.13
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